Some Short Tales

Hey peeps! A little under the weather today, so be warned that the blog post might not be up to par. :)

That said, I haven't much pictures to share this week, but I do have some kitty tales, so I hope you won't be overly disappointed with the lack of pictures!

~~~

Maxie likes, as most cats do, to laze around just sleeping. Last week, she was sleeping on the bed during the afternoon as per normal, when I had the sudden urge to pounce on her. So I did. Kitty woke with a start but found herself entangled in my arms as I crooned to her and blocked her exit. She squirmed and finally managed to reverse herself out from my arms, ruffling her fur the wrong way in the process. She shot me a dirty look and retired to her box in a huff. The words "Leave me alone!" hung unsaid in the air.

I chuckled and went back to what I was doing, satisfied with myself. Now, before you condemn me for bullying my cat, hear what I say. She got her back later that night.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, as they say. Maxie waited for me to forget about the pouncing incident until later that night, when I was busy chatting online. She strolled into my room, sat at the mat beside my computer chair in an upright position, and started to stare at the ceiling. Normally, this means there was prey on the ceiling for her, ranging from lizards to random insects. I glanced at her when she first walked in, and then noticed she was still sitting there 5 minutes later without uttering a sound, which was unlike her.

"Hey, what are you looking at, baby?" I asked, using my petname for her. She ignored me, just staring upwards. I followed her gaze and looked for something that might've caught her interest, all in vain.

"What WERE you looking at?" I asked again, looking down, but she was no longer there! She had walked out when I was looking at the ceiling and had a smug look on her face as she draped herself comfortably on the floor outside my bedroom door.

"Gotcha!" her eyes read, before looking casually away into the living room, dismissing me from her thoughts.

Grrr! She certainly outplayed me, alright!

~~~

The next trick she pulled to get back at me was to meow incessantly at me in the morning while I was trying to do something. She'd perch herself on the bed and meow loudly and imperiously. I was at a loss as to what she wanted, until I finally figured out she wanted to get under the covers, in her "Assisted Sleep" position.

Pay attention to me!

I complied, anything to shut her up. She went in, curled up, and slept. I thought that was the end of that. I have never been more wrong. 20 minutes later, the bundle of fur would start to shift under the covers and Maxie would extricate herself from the bed. She'd lap at the water bowl twice, walked out of the room, bat her toys around for a minute or two, and then back on the bed, meowing demandingly to be let under the blanket. This continued for two days, she'd verbally order me around when I was at home until I finally begged her for forgiveness for pouncing on her. I groveled and I cajoled, and Her Highness finally condescended to forgive me after much anchovies.

She hasn't demanded to be let under the covers since then. Phew!

~~~

Unforgivably, I had ran out of her favourite canned cat food! The shops that sold them were a little distant and I hadn't time to go until a few days later.

In a desperate bid to buy time, I bought some generic brand to tide us by until I had time to visit the pet shop. Kitty let me know in no uncertain terms that that was unacceptable!

"What is this? This isn't cat food! This is just..." her complaint trailed off as she failed to find a suitably offensive word to name her temporary food. In my defence, it was a good brand, without the typical gelatinous mass that some canned cat foods have. But, as she had made abundantly clear, it wasn't her usual.

Before her canned food had run out, Maxie had started picking at her tuna. Frequently I'd find at least half of what I gave her remaining that I'd have to make her eat before bed time.

Maxie sniffed at her temporary food and only had one or two bites of it. The rest went to the strays downstairs. Everyday, at 7pm, she'd start complaining.

"I want tuna! Gimme my tuna!" she'd wail, stalking around the apartment.

I'd open a can of something for my own dinner, and kitty would come scurrying to me. "Tuna? Is it tuna? Where's my tuna?" she'd go, while trying to see what I had in my hands. It was beans. She stalked off in high dudgeon.

It took me 4 days before I had time to go to the pet shop for her food. 4 days of intense guilt-tripping from Maxie. Every night when I sat down to have my own dinner, she'd sit within sight, staring at me balefully. Making every bite taste like cardboard from the intensity of her glare.

Why you get to eat but not me? Why?

The day finally came when I brought her cat food home. "Maxie! Guess what I got for you?" I called.

She gave me a look and if cats could roll her eyes, I swear she would have. "What, more beans for yourself and nothing for me?"

I cheerfully popped a can open, and Maxie did a credible impression of The Flash. One moment she was lying in bed sulking, the next she was at my feet purring, barely before the jingle of her collar bell reached my ears.

I served her half a can, her usual portion. It was gone in 10 minutes. Wow, guess somebody had really missed her food, and wanted more. She finished a full can in one sitting for the first time since her adolescence. Licking her chops daintily, she regarded at me in approval.

"That's much better. It took you long enough!" she purred.

That night, she slept curled up right next to me, something that happens maybe once every 3rd blue moon. I woke up with a horrible backache, but it was worth it. Pity, it didn't last though, my adorable tsundere cat was back in tsundere mode the next day...and back to her half portion of tuna. 

PS: I don't actually starve my cat, she gets her fair share of kibbles every day and is happy with that (she eats ANY kibbles, but is picky with wet food lol - weird cat), but she does enjoy the wet food treat every other day. In case somebody out there thinks I would neglect feeding my princess .

Kitty on Rampage, or Something Like That

It's another week! In an attempt to get Maxie out of her funk, I brought out my secret weapon, the cat wand!

Kitty's pupils were fully dilated as she started mrowling loudly in anticipation.

Maxie stirring from her slumber, watching the wand alertly

"Gimmeh, gimmeh, gimmeh!" she seemed to say. As a tease, I walked around with the cat wand in my hands but not giving it to her. Maxie followed me around the apartment like a dog learning how to heel. Hmmm...this bears promise, but perhaps in the future.

All her long-unused wingchun moves came back as she batted the wand furiously. "Die, you weird, pink-feathered thing!"

Predictably, I got tired a lot sooner than she did, and Maxie was giving me indignant meows to keep her adversary moving. We evolved a new game from it though.

"Where is it?"

Propping the wand against her food bin, Maxie was a little nonplussed at the start. She soon cottoned on to things..

*sniff sniff*

*bat bat bat*

"This foe is slain, next!"

We engaged in another merry-go-round the house with her pouncing on my ankles and my knees in an attempt to wrest the pink fiend from me.

"Ah ha!"

"Bite"

"Come here, you!"

With the repeated vanquishing of the same(?) foe, yours truly soon got tired of the game. Not so for Maxie though. While I sat upon my chair working on the computer, she sat at my feet (sigh, if only it was on my lap) waiting for the next round of fun to start. Occasionally I'd look down to look at her and she'd give me a plaintive "meow!"

Despite her slave daddy's reluctance, a resourceful kitty always manages to get her way. Mother Nature decided to bless us with a giant fly thingie invasion. I got 2 of those out somehow, but the last eluded me.

"Daddy, what's all that buzzing?"

Maxie was on patrol though. Woe betide any insect or gecko that finds its way past my inefficient defence...

"Don't worry, I've got it!"

"There's nowhere to hide, fly-guy!"

Fortunately, I managed to get rid of it before she could sink her teeth in. She always gets sick after ingesting bugs, but never stops eating them whenever she gets the chance anyway. Silly kitty. I've to be constantly on the lookout or I'd have to deal with this:

Sick kitty: "I promise not to drink eat a bug again!" *puke*

I had to be careful what I wished for, though. As I had wanted my little sleepy princess to stop sleeping all the time, she showed me what a nuisance she can be.

"Oh, you're watching a movie? Hand the control over! I wanna see the bit where Duchess holds tails with Thomas!"*

*Aristocats

I had to push her away and tell her to be patient. The movie's only fun if we watch it in progression, not just skipping to our favourite bits. Kitty sulked and turned her back on me.

The other incident involved me collecting the laundry:

"What is this?"

*wonders if she can use it for kung fu training*

Yup, sure can!

After rescuing a sock, a handkerchief and a t-shirt from kitty soft claws, I finally managed to put my hangers back outside in the laundry area, safe from her ravaging fists...er...paws.

Following all that exertion, it was time for kitty to wind down her activities.

Om nom nom nom!

and finally...

zzz in the 12 o'clock

Sleeping Cat Trivia

I haven't been provided much material this past week, because Maxie had decided that the only inspiration she'd condescend to contribute to this week's entry was to...sleep.

We all know how much cats sleep in a day, and Maxie decided to rub it in a little further. So when I told her that I needed some material for my blog, this is what I got:

"You want MOI to give you material?" *kitty evil eye*

Using my highly acute *snicker* sense of observation, I attempted to chronicle Maxie's sleep periods. The first one is the 3 o'clock position. Difficulty level: 1/5. Cat is able to achieve this position at any time provided there's no play or tuna involved. Similar positions include the 9 o'clock and the 12 o'clock. Any approach by human will wake cat up. Maxie has never been found in the 6 o'clock position before.

 

Pre 3 o'clock

The initial sleep position: the 3 o'clock

Next position, the twist. Difficulty level: 2/5. Cat must subconsciously twist body around from the 3 o'clock position during sleep without waking. Usually achieved when no disturbances occur during the 3 o'clock, including but not limited to stupid human walking towards cat and giving cat a stroke or two.

The twist.

Waking from the twist

Following that is "The Pose". Difficulty level: 3/5 to 4/5. Cat will evolve from the twist and ensure that a suitably impressive pose is achieved while in deep sleep. A favourite pose may be achieved if the subconscious was trained deep enough to deviate towards a default deep sleep position. This is generally acknowledged as the best time to photograph cat. Any disturbances such as attempted stroking or attention seeking from human will result in an eye popping open and closing again. Cat may decide to downgrade to the twist if disturbance warranted any action.

Kung fu cat pose

If one side gets too hot, roll over to the other and assume previous pose in reverse

The final position, that which only Grandmasters of Kitty Sleep have mastered, is the Assisted Sleep Mode. Difficulty level: 5/5. Cat must telegraph their intentions to their human slave companion and demand their humans to assist feline into position. In Maxie's case, she has successfully trained her human to know when she requires Assisted Sleep Mode under the covers of the blanket.

Maxie in Assisted Sleep mode on Friday morning

1 hour later...

Assisted Sleep Mode on Sunday morning

Making sure she's still alive.

So all in all, I guess I should be proud that Maxie is a Grandmaster in Kitty Sleep. No pictures for other bits of the story here, but I'll just describe.

Maxie decided to go on a sleep run (as usual) one day during the week. She started from the 3 o'clock, went into the twist, switched to a 12 o'clock, twisted into a 9 o'clock, and kept me waiting for a 6 o'clock, which still hasn't happened, as she went from the 9 o'clock into The Pose. She stayed like this until I climbed into bed next to her to read, whereupon she opened an eyelid, devolved into the twist between 9 and 12 o'clock, and was soon back in deep sleep. I shall endeavour to catch her in the 6 o'clock one day!

In the meantime, I had a lot of photo opportunities during The Pose, some of which I shall share with you for sheer "aww" material.

"Ultraman"

Until next week, dear readers, keep an eye out for other Grandmaster kitties!

Sleepy Kitty and Hide-and-Seek

Hey, peeps! It's another week again. Happy mid-autumn festival to my readers. :)

Anyway, in the last week, after judging me suitably recovered to rejoin her in fun and games, Maxie decided to start a few rounds of hide-and-seek with me. It's not a new game, far from it, but it is one of her current favourites.

Usually, kitty would decide to play tag with me by walking up to me while I'm on the computer, play-pouncing on me leg and running off. If I gave chase she'd run all over the house until she returns to her "safe zone", aka her shoebox, where she would then receive much petting and stroking before I returned to the computer.

For hide-and-seek though, Maxie would wait til I'm engrossed with my monitor, and start a loud chorus of demanding meows. Usually I'd just ask what she wanted and check if she had everything, and ignore her. She'd keep up the caterwauling until I finally get fed up and stand up...and et voila! No cat!

Or so she thinks...

The thing about dear cute Maxie is, she hasn't seemed to have mastered the art of hiding very well. Now that I've cottoned on to her hiding place below the bed, that's always the first place I look. And if she's not there...

Ooh, behind the towel!

Behind my jeans!

"Is he looking for me yet?"

Scampering back into the room after I come out looking for her.

Behind the litter box!

I fear that my princess had caught the "ostrich disease", where she thinks that if she can't see me, neither can I see her. Silly kitty, giving me so many tell tale signs of her whereabouts. The following picture though, is her best attempt at hiding thus far:

Betrayed by her tail!

Alas! It was not meant to be. Nevertheless, it was fun. And after a long session of hide-and-seek culminating in a game of tag (after I've found her), kitty was all tired out.

She surprised me the next day by picking up one of MY bad habits: sleeping in! Normally, Maxie starts meowing loudly to wake me up after the 2nd snooze on my alarm clock. She'd pace around impatiently for me to wake up and open the door so she can hurry out and survey her domain.

That morning, however, I woke up from the sound of my alarm only to find kitty...lazing on her cat tree. I walked around drowsily and gave her a pat, wishing her good morning. No response. I opened the door, and waited for the inevitable brush of fur as her highness ran out, but nope, nothing happened.

Good morning?

"Leave me alone"

Half-hearted grooming when I asked her to get up

I gave up and went out to get the broom to sweep up her nightly litter scattered on my bedroom floor. Once again, I asked if she was ready to wake up.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Amused, and just maybe a teensy bit worried, I carried on with my day. It wasn't until 30 minutes later when I swiveled my computer chair to face her, that she started showing signs of life.

"Maxie, are you okay? Do I need to take you to the vet?" Her eyes flew open.

"Vet? Meep!"

She got up in a jiffy and stretched luxuriantly. Took a few steps and batted at her toys a bit. Satisfied that she was okay, just suffering from an excess of exertions, I took no notice of her for the next hour or so; preparing breakfast, catching up on news, etc (it was a Saturday). Missing her, I turned around and tried to look for her and saw...

Must sleep with style!

Guess she really was exhausted...kitty's fine though, so my readers can relax. :)

Bathroom door etiquette, as taught by Maxie.

I've noticed for some time that my dear little kitty has a fascination with bathrooms. In the old apartment she tended to stick her head into the drainage hole to watch the water from the shower flow down during shower times (yes, she insisted on following me into the shower, don't judge me!). Sadly for her, she doesn't have the same luxury in our new home.

Water goes down

But where does it go after it goes down?

Nevertheless, she has found a way to stamp her mark of ownership on the master bathroom anyway! Here's what I have concluded on "Maxie's bathroom etiquette' after months of observation:

1: If the door is left open and the human grabs his towel, it is the cat's responsibility to enter bathroom before said human does and squirm around the floor, bonus points if you get to take up space where the human likes to stand during the shower.

Camping in the bathroom

Act cute so human won't kick you out

2: If the human has the temerity to eject the cat out of the bathroom, and the bathroom door is left wide open, it is the cat's responsibility to stroll back in and meow its presence, thereby making the human feel guilty for turning on the shower and scaring the cat's lives away. 

Hello!

3: If the human manages to eject the cat again, and the bathroom door is left partially open, it is a signal that the human wishes for the cat to poke its head in and hang around until it makes him uncomfortable. Bonus points if cat is daring enough to sneak all the way in and pretend to investigate the toilet, then stare at human.

Peekaboo!

*stare*

Whacha doing?

4: If the human is rude enough to shut the door fully, the cat must sit outside of the bathroom and wait until human is finished. Upon the emergence of the human from the newly-opened door, the cat must give him the dirtiest look it can imagine, meow loudly and stalk out of bedroom with tail high in the air without looking back. Bonus points awarded if the meow can be made to sound as pitiful as possible or as annoyed as possible to make human scurry to fridge to fetch treats.

I hate you, human!

Nobody loves me...

And that, is how a cat scores bathroom points, ladies and gents.