Couch Potato Laundry Guardian

Ola, readers! I apologise for the absence, but I figured taking a few weeks off might help jolt my writer's senses back on again. I'll start modestly and we'll see where this goes, alright? :) Thank you for your support!

The gf left for home a few weeks back, and there was a noticeable lack of presence at home. Kitty and I trudged along our days and things slowly returned to our old routine. I was pretty sure that Maxie was also caught in the funk of missing Fiona, as she didn't see fit to do anything out of the ordinary (other than sleeping in the bed more, anyway).

Things finally perked up after I lazily dumped my laundry on the couch and promptly forgot all about it. It took her a few days, but Maxie finally caught on to the fact that...THERE WAS LAUNDRY IN THE OPEN!

I had gotten used to her curling up on her side of the bed while catnapping, so I was a little discomfited to find her not in the bedroom one day. I called and called, and searched. I peered behind the curtains, nope, I looked under the bed, nuh-uh, I checked the closet, nada. Hmmmz.

Pondering this mysterious kitty's disappearance, I walked into the living room and was about to sit on the couch (with laundry) when I heard a meow of protest.

"Please watch where you're sitting, human!"

"MEOW! Hey, watch it buster!" a disembodied protest came from behind me.

"Maxie! What are you doing here?" I asked, somewhat stupidly.

"Duh! I'm lounging on this sofa. What does it look like I'm doing?" came the credible Garfield imitation. To her credit, I did sound a tad Jon-like (for non-fellow Garfield fans, Jon is Garfield's air-headed "owner').

"Well, scoot on over a sec. Daddy needs a seat," I requested.

Grumbling, kitty did as she was told.

"Fine, you can have a seat."

I settled myself next to my little furball, and absently began to stroke her. Disgusted, she stood up haughtily and stalked to the other end of the couch.

"Sheesh, some people. You give them an inch and they take a mile," I could hear her mumble.

No touchy!

"Bah, fine! Don't let me pet you then! See if I care!" I muttered hotly. Kitty then dosed nonchalantly. As expected, I was the one who gave in first and off I went over to her side to give her some noogies.

Maxie immediately turned around to face me, annoyance clearly displayed.

"Which part of no touchy did you NOT understand?"

"Leave me alone! I want to sleep!" complained my tsundere cat.

"Alright, fine, I give up. Be that way! I'll just clear up the laundry and be off on my own business," I conceded, put off by her behaviour.

"Huh? What do you mean clear up the laundry?"

"You leave my bed alone, you bossy human you!" ordered Maxie imperiously. "These are mine! All mine!"

Then, akin to a dragon hoarding its gold, Maxie did an impressive impersonation of Smaug from The Hobbit, which we had watched on the DVD previously.

"These are my gold! My gold! Err..I mean clothes."

In frustration, I raised my hands in defeat and beat a strategic retreat to my bedroom, seeking the comfort of the internet as a balm for my recalcitrant furkid.

Curious Kitty

As I wasn't able to procure (Her Highness didn't deign to provide) any good pictures in the past week, I shall resort to a completely textual post this entry instead.

Fiona finagled her way into adorning the bedroom with a gigantic monster teddy bear. In her absence, the over-sized soft toy has pride of place on the side of bed I don't sleep on. A few days back, I was giving the comforter a good airing, leaving it to settle flatly above the bed, or that's how it usually goes. This time, the bear was buried underneath.

Being a lazy bugger, I left things as they are and went about my business. A bell jingled, and I glimpsed Maxie on the bed, in search of a comfy spot for a well-deserved cat nap after a tiring cat nap in the hall. Suddenly, she froze! What was this lump underneath the comforter that was NOT her?

The not-so intrepid feline inched her way forward towards the lump, and tentatively gave it a pat only to immediately duck backwards as though afraid the lump would pat her back! Hmm...no response. Perhaps another pat? On went her paw, floating in the air slowly followed by a lightning fast pat and retreat.

I was in stitches at this point, but worried for the sheets; I hurriedly flipped the covers over and showed kitty...ta-daa! Teddy bear! She gave its foot a sniff of disgust and curled up in a sunny spot, looking for all the world like the last 2 minutes never occurred.

~~~

The next day, a plaintive mewing inundated the apartment complex on my wing. That's right, not just my unit, but the entire apartment. For the life of me I couldn't determine where it was coming from. I deduced that someone must have recently obtained a kitten, and it was suffering from separation anxiety, poor mite.

While I walked back and forth my home, I finally realised that I had a furry critter underfoot. Maxie was tailing me determinedly, trying to figure out where I had hidden this kitten (I had previously fostered 3 kittens, then 1, and helped catsit another).

I picked my little princess up to give her some tender loving reassurance, but she just growled out the window.

"WHERE IS SHE?" she demanded in a tone reminiscent of the Dark Knight to the Joker.

I hurriedly put her down, when she promptly ran to the washing room and peered out the balcony, trying in vain to figure out how I managed to float a kitten on thin air.

"I swear, I haven't got a kitten this time," I protested, to no avail.

Unable to find just where the kitten was secreted, Maxie took up position at my bedroom door, ears perked up in the alert position, picking up every subtle nuance...except the kitten's mewing went on and on and on and on (heartbreakingly so), and soon even my guard kitty gave it up and curled up next to the teddy bear for some sleep.

I guess being on the alert is just too exhausting for a kitty whose job was to be "on sleep" for 18 hours a day.

Til next week, dear readers!

Maxie Loves New Stuff!

Maxie finally got used to the new stuff at home, and was able to settle down on the floor mats without trying to "make sure" they're dead.

Soft floor mat

However, poor kitty was not allowed any respite, as I popped open the box of toys that her godmother Rainbow sent and out came a replica of one of her favourite kittenhood toys: a fluffy tail wand! (The original one did not survive kittenhood...)

Omg omg omg!

 

*grab*

*pounce!*

My little princess was transported! This toy was something she just could not get bored of. All it takes is a human's nudge to move it a milimetre, and kitty would come running. Just when I thought she'd be tired out from playing (I know I was!) and made to keep the wand, she'd come begging for more with her "I want that" chirrup. Geesh...this was a worse addiction than her pink kung fu feather wand!

While leaving her alone with her toys, I attached a wall hook to hang my new 2015 calender from the 5 dollar store. Kitty thought there was a bug on the wall and stopped her play to stare at it and made her "hunting" noise when she sees bugs or geckos.

"Daddy! There's a BUG on the wall!"

I held her up ala Simba in The Lion King so she could sniff at the new wall attachment, after which Maxie left it off the hook *snicker*. 

Speaking of shopping and new stuff, the gf loaded up on those feminine stuff like nail polish and things that I know not of, being a male and all that. We left it in the empty guest room, now that my good-for-nothing tenant has moved out, thinking no one would care about those stuff being in there until she returns home...

"Did you get these for me? I've always wanted feminine products!"

"Maxie! Those are Fiona-jiejie (big sister)'s stuff! Come away" I said.

"What do you mean, they're NOT for me?"

Kitty was acting all possessive and guard kitty-ish, so we left her alone until she got bored with things.

It's been 24 hours, still not bored. Hmm...

The New Housemate

Greetings, readers!

After a few days' hiatus due to bad internet and tough work times, here's this week's installment, at long last! It will be a short post, as I'll be posting again next week. Enjoy :)

Well, I finally got a new tenant at my humble abode, after a year's wait. We've settled pretty much into a routine, Maxie and I, just the two of us. You can imagine what a shock it was for her that someone new moved into the house all of a sudden.

The night he moved in, I woke up in the middle of the night to espy Maxie crouched at the bedroom door, peering beneath the gap between door and floor, desperately trying to glimpse the intruder.

In the morning, I let Maxie out of the room as per our morning routine, and she couldn't take her eyes off the previous "guestroom".

I smell somebody new!

Is it safe?

"Baby, leave the door alone," I chided.

But daddy, there's someone THERE!

"Yes, yes. I know. I just let someone move in with us yesterday, Maxie. You'll just have to get used to it," I said impatiently.

Someone, MOVED IN?

Her consternation evident, Maxie prowled around the house uneasily. Always returning to watch his room.

8am

9 am

10am

I left home and locked her up in my room as usual. When I returned that night, the new tenant was out, so my guardian kitty wasn't overly fussed with his room. HOWEVER, apparently he had spent some time on the couch, for Maxie started a furious sniffing session at the place where I usually sat.

"Baby, what are you doing?" I asked, amused.

"Somebody was HERE! He sat on YOUR COUCH! I can SMELL him! We need to be on our guard always, daddy!" she mrowled.

"I know, I told you, someone moved in!" I reiterated.

She shot me an annoyed glare.

"I hate you for letting someone move in. You had to spoil a good thing, didn't you? Now I have to be on guard all the time so he won't steal my tuna. Hmmph!" she sulked in a corner.

I was soon back in kitty's good books, however, thanks to the sound of her canned food being opened. She spent the next two nights peering under the door gap, then, having decided that the new tenant wasn't apparently going to invade our bedroom, was soon back in her corner in bed again.

Ah...silly kitty. She still hasn't actually met him though. That would be interesting. ;)

Motherly or Childish? Maxie's Both!

In the aftermath of my injury and Maxie's "tender loving care", or more accurately, torture; I finally decided to see a real doctor (instead of Dr Snakey) and got my wounds cleaned and wrapped up. This way, Maxie can't get antiseptic on herself and I won't have to cringe in terror everytime she sauntered over. I don't know about you, but cringing at the sight of your beloved pet walking towards you is NOT a good sign.

Turns out, I seem to have grossly misinterpreted Maxie's intentions. Instead of wanting to torture me, she was giving me "tough love" and forcing me to seek proper medical attention. This is evidenced by her actions on the day after I returned from the doctor (note to my readers: The pain after cleaning and bandaging equaled to that of having skinned myself all over again. So I would strongly recommend not seeking medical attention seeking medical attention as early as possible).

"I'm glad you finally got it looked at, now I'll just make sure you don't re-injure yourself all over again."

My so-called guardian fell asleep :p

Indeed, she extended her "guardian-ness" to ensuring I had taken my medication on time.

Have you taken your meds?

I'd better make sure and inspect your pills

Well, under her tender mercies and supervision, "mummy" Maxie made sure I recovered to the best of my abilities and was satisfied with my progress. She was kind enough to play on her own without inviting me to join in, and frequently ignored me if I tried to dangle toys in front of her. Awww, my little kitty's all grown up now....

...or not!

A good friend of mine had a birthday recently, so I teased Maxie by asking if she'd like to give Katie one of her toys as a birthday present, seeing as how kitty's got so many of her own already.

This ball's mine! Mine I tell you! She can get her own! MINE!

Whoa there.....you'd think I don't give her enough toys to play with.

"Maxie, you have to be nice and generous. She did give you the lovely collar you're wearing now, you know?" I chided her.

She looked askance at my words...

"Hmmph!"

"Maxie! You oughta be ashamed of yourself. Katie has no toys of her own to play with," I exclaimed, still trying to get a rise out of my cat.

Giving me her ashamed look

"But that's MY toy!" she mumbled.

"Okay, okay. Daddy's just teasing you. You can keep your toy. She probably doesn't want it anyway, all stuck with cat fur," I replied, stroking her cheeks.

"Ooh, I know! Give her this!" she meowed suddenly, excitement in her voice.

Cute Maxie pose as her "present" to Katie.

"Oh well. That's better than nothing, I guess," I sighed to myself. At least she's not possessive about her images and is always willing to "bestow" her cuteness on the world at large.

Cutting her some slack, I picked kitty up (with much protestations) and hugged her. When you live with cats, you pick your battles and take what small victories they allow.

PS: For my concerned readers, my external wounds are all basically dried and healed up. However, there might be some minor bone damage or internal bruising as I still have a lot of "internal" pain, but the docs say that there's nothing to be done about that except to let it heal with time. Been occupied with dealing with the injury so I beg your pardon for the short post. Thanks for the well wishes!

The Invasion Aftermath

Once the guests have left, it didn't take long before everything returned to normal. Or so I thought...

In the aftermath of the home invasion, Maxie seems to have developed quite a possessive streak. It started off normally, so I didn't put much thought to it. She would rub her cheeks against most surfaces to renew her scent and patrol the apartment.

However, I noticed after awhile that she seemed to be greatly uneasy with the house still and was more affectionate towards me. My tsundere cat, affectionate. My interest was piqued and I decided to keep an eye out. The first clue she gave me was that she refused to let me sweep up her litter sand in the mornings.

"You shall not sweep!" exclaimed Maxie the Grey....cat.

The next clue was when she started giving me sass when I try to get her to move from MY spot on the bed! Usually she'd just move to her spot and ignore me, or just jump off the bed altogether.

Nyah!

I finally figured out why she was so insecure about her possessions (wait, I'm a possession?!) when I caught kitty playing guard cat around something my family left behind for me. Two cempedak fruits (sorry, as far as I know there's no English translation for this local delicacy) were starting to ripen, and the smell permeated the whole apartment. For the local Malaysian readers, you'd know what I mean. It's a sweet-smelling fruit when it's ripe, and tends to attract the squirrels and tree-shrews in the wild. These must have been the reason why kitty couldn't find her own scent markings the last few days!

They left these STINKING THINGS behind when they left. How dare they! It's MY HOUSE!!!

I wondered if kitty was afraid the fruits were some sorts of aliens the visitors left behind to take over the home. So I asked her...

Aliens? What???

Okay, maybe it was a bad idea to put THAT idea in her head. Poor Maxie was traumatised and followed me everywhere at home. I enjoyed the close company as much as I could, as I knew it wouldn't last.

"Daddy, why can't you throw those things away?"

"Daddy, did the aliens get to you?"

"Daddy, why does it smell so weird in our house?"

Eventually, the fruits fully ripened and I cut them open to extract the tasty innards. Ahem.

The princess was very interested in the process, and watched intently as I "slew the monsters" for her.

"You're my hero, daddy! I love you so much! I knew you could break free of the alien influence and fight back!" she purred as she rubbed her cheeks against me.

A few days after the "slaying of the aliens", Maxie woke me up one morning and insisted I let her into the guest room where my grandfather slept during the visit, also known as Garfield's room for my foster kitten. I thought that my kitty was missing her playmate again so I let her in to show her I wasn't hiding him. 

She couldn't have cared less about that, as my Princess pranced into the room and immediately staked claim on the bed my grandfather slept in.

I'm gonna make this bed smell like me

Mine, all mine!

That's right, no more aliens!

That'll teach them to invade my home

Amused, I let kitty indulge herself in scent marking, or fur scattering, on the mattress and went to grab breakfast. Half an hour later, I asked if she was done.

Done? What do you mean done?

I think I see an alien there too...

"Okay, baby. That's enough. It's time for you to come out and leave the aliens to me. Daddy needs to go out to the lab and get some alien killing chemicals," I cajoled her.

"Promise, daddy? We can't let them take over our apartment!" she entreated.

I smiled, nodded and gave her a pat. Before leaving though, I noticed she was staring furtively at a spot in our room...no doubt with imagination running wild again.

Wait, did that floor mat move?

Wing Chun Kitty

 This past week, I decided to go on an Ip Man movie marathon. For those of you not in the know, Ip Man was the "sifu" of the great martial artist, Bruce Lee, and a grandmaster of the Chinese Kungfu called Wing chun or "Forever Spring (young)"

My kitty was going through a lazy period and deigned to grace me with her company on the couch whilst I indulged myself in a bit of on-screen fighting. Initially, she just laid on the couch dozing, but eventually she opened first one eye, then two, and perked up as the action got more and more intense. Looks like I just made her into a fan.

First she was "Meh!", then she was like "Ooh!"

 I don't know about you, dear readers, but after watching certain action-packed films, I have the urge to emulate the action on-screen. Usually this urge is easily repressed, unless I watched any of the Fast & Furious franchise, but that's another matter altogether. *Grin*

This time, however, I was inspired to project that desire of emulation onto my little princess. Since she's been showing signs of developing into a guard kitty, it was only LOGICAL to provide her with some martial arts training, no? And so chaos ensued...

"Maxie! Come here, girl. Daddy's got a new game for you!" I sang to my cat as she was about to settle into some deep feline introspection (I call it sleep, but she insists otherwise). 

An eye opened.

"C'mere, you! Look what daddy's got for you," I cajoled while holding up her favourite used earphones. 

The other eye emerged.

I dangled the earphones further and watched as her head came up, and before you knew it, we had a full fledged training programme happening!

Watch my stance, villain!

Hai-yak!

Success! But this is only the first step. How do I get her to practice and train herself while I'm not home? After all, SOMEBODY's gotta guard the cat food! ;-)

So once again, I turned to Bruce Lee for inspiration:

 

I had to find a kitty equivalent...but how?

"Daddy! I know! I know!" came the mrowl from my now-enthusiastic cat. I eyed her quizzically.

"Gimme my wand, I'll show you!" she entreated me. Deciding to indulge her, I gave her the kitty wand toy that she loved (usually resulting in many kitty "love scratches" on my hands...) but do not get access to too often as it made her act like she was high on something...

Plonk!

  

Hoo-yak!

  

Die, now!

 It was a very proud moment for me, I had tears in my eyes (okay, it might've been due to the holes she left in my hands...but yeah whatever) watching her practicing her new-found skills. Finally, I decided to test her to see if she's ready for the "real" thing.

The resulting pictures were a little blurry due to the indescribable speed that my kitty has progressed into, almost Bruce Lee-esque:

Warming up...

Stretch....

Hua hua hua!!!

So, finally proving to me that she was able to take care of things, I was able to rest well at night.

"Well done, Maxie! You are now officially a guard kitty!" I proclaimed proudly.

Her reaction?
 

My guard kitty with the last of her food

 "Whatever, daddy. I'm just going to curl up with my last can of cat food and ignore you for the rest of the day now."

Yeap, that's my little girl alright...